I am developing a new CEU course for HomeCeuConnections.com. I am heading back to Dallas in December to film this new class. The topic:
Building Resilience In Your Young Clients.
I love the research involved in putting together a course. As I have been reading through the material I came across some information that can help us as parents, foster resilience in our kids.
Most experts agree that a resilient mindset can be taught to kids. This is because being able to cope with adversity is all dependent on what we “think” when we are met with challenges. Resilient people react to stress with a “can do” attitude because they “think” of themselves as capable and competent. They have a strong sense of self which forms their positive belief system. Therefore, they feel that they can influence their lives and will take steps to solve their own problems. They also “think” of mistake and changes in a positive way. They view them as opportunities to learn and grow.
As parents we are in a good position to influence our kids thinking style and belief systems. One way to promote resilience in kids is to make them aware of the relationship between “thinking” and “feeling.” So quite simply, if they think they are capable of solving their own problems then that will directly influence how they cope with disappointment or even trauma. If they think that they are incapable then they will most probably give up.
It would be helpful then, if we tried to understand our kid’s beliefs and thinking styles. It would be best if in a calm moment (kids can’t hear us when they are in the midst of a challenging situation or when they are overwhelmed) we share with our kids what we know about resilience. We can periodically say to our kids,
“In our family we try to find solutions to our problems.”
“When the chips are down don’t despair, you have it within you to figure things out.”
“When you are faced with a problem or a challenge, try not to say to yourself, ‘I can’t do this’, say, ‘I can figure this out, I might need some help or I might need some time to figure it out, but I will figure it out’.”
When we see them facing a challenge to foster awareness of their thinking style we can ask our kids gently, “What are you saying to yourself in your head?”
They might not be able to verbalize their thoughts at first, but this will start to train them to notice their thinking patterns.
You might then want to add, “Keep it positive, try to tell yourself, this is tough but I can do this!”
Helping kids develop a resilient mindset aids them in developing a skill that they can use for life. We can do this!