In our last 2 posts, I collaborated with Brochie Weinberg, MS, LPCC ,and we started to answer the following question:
My 7 -year old daughter is switching to a new class this year with a new group of girls, some of whom she’s already met over summer camp. The last class she was in was comprised of more bossy girls and she’d come home telling me the girls were hurtful or would not play with her. I’m hopeful the new class will be a better fit, as the girls are more friendly and less competitive. By nature my daughter is more sweet and thoughtful. She is very bright and less of a leader, more of a follower type. She is nervous and anxious about making the switch. Do you have any advice as to how I can help her acclimate to her new class? Any ideas on how to help her forge new friendships? I’ve already arranged play dates with a handful of the new girls, but so far she has had one play date. As a mother, what tools can I give my daughter before entering the first day?
-From a mother who only wants to see her kids happy
In our last 2 posts we discussed how important it is to just listen to our daughters without jumping in to give advice, we all spoke about teaching kids what it means to be a good friend and how to notice if someone is a good friend. Here are some more ideas on how to help our daughter’s manage social situations.
3. Sharing Social Dilemmas:
It is helpful for girls to hear that their Moms had social issues when she was their age, some of the time. It doesn’t work if we share in a way that invalidates their feelings:
“Oh, I also had a friend that never shared anything with me and I always shared stuff with her. It happens all the time with girls…”
Stories that also intensifies feelings of anger can also be troublesome:
“Of course you are angry at Sara! Friends that don’t keep their commitments are bad friends to have. I had a friend like that, and she made me so mad all the time. You shouldn’t put up with that…”
Instead we need to share stories that help our daughters work through their feelings. It is best if we preface our story with, “I am not sure if this will help..”
“I am not sure if this will help, I once had a friend who moved away and we promised we would be friends forever. I kept on writing to her and I called her once in a while but she never really reciprocated. It did hurt for awhile, but I did find new friends after a bit.”
“I am not sure if this will help…when I look back at my friendships throughout the years, I see that sometimes I was friendlier with one girl and sometimes with other girls. That sometimes how friendships work. It is important to be kind to everyone…but I guess you can’t be friends with everyone all of the time.
“I am not sure if this will help..there was one year where a girl was not nice to me. I came home everyday very upset. I finally learned to keep away from her and kept on telling myself that what she was saying about me was not true..
In our next post we will discuss some more ways to help our daughters manage their social skills.
Want to hear more great advice from Brochie Weinberg, MS, LPCC?
Join us for a highly informative lecture:
Why Do Our Children Worry So Much: Helping Children Work Through Their Anxiety
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
7:30 PM
Stonehill Auditorium
Mandel JCC
Cleveland, Ohio
Make sure to sign up here!
Why Do Our Children Worry So Much: Helping Children Work Through Their Anxiety
Brochie Weinberg received her M.S. at NorthEastern University in School Counseling and her LPCC, Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor at John Caroll University . Brochie is a clinical counselor at A+ Solutions and provides individual counseling for children, adolescents and adults. She is also a school – based therapist at Yavne Junior High School where she provides individual and group counseling, classroom guidance, teacher training and faculty consultations. She runs social skills programs and creative workshops for preschool age children as well as adolescents on the topics of self esteem, handling emotions, friendship skills and study skills. Brochie works with children and adults with a variety of issues. In her personable approach, she draws from a wide range of theoretical orientations to creatively meet the needs of each client.
To set up your appointment with Brochie Weinberg, call our offices at 216-896-0111