The other night I attended a very interesting and highly informative class on how to speak to your child about that awkward topic, Sexuality and Intimacy.
The most cogent point of the talk was this: If we are silent and do not talk to our children about this topic, we are doing them a great disservice. In our society children walk down the street and are bombarded by sexuality and sexual imagery. This gives them a false impression about human sexuality, intimacy and healthy relationships. We need to be vocal about what are our values. We need to provide them with a counter message.
But we hesitate and are uncomfortable. We are not sure how to start a conversation on this subject. How do we convey practical and healthy information to our children and teens? Even those of us who have degrees in the health fields may still find ourselves at a loss on how we can do so.
The lecturer was frank and candid and armed me with simple and practical ways to have this tough conversation with my kids. My husband and I have had the birds and the bees conversation with each of our children but we were always uncertain as to whether we were doing it right. Now we have some excellent guidelines and suggestions, making this difficult conversation just a bit easier.
This is what I learned:
1. Instead of starting from scratch, find out what your already child knows and thinks. Children usually have their own ideas about most subjects; this is no different. You can ask, “What do you know about how babies are made? Where do you think babies come from?”
2. Try to correct any misinformation that they have and give them true facts. (Babies grow inside Mommy’s body, in a place called her uterus, not her tummy.)
3. Use this time to share your values with your child. (families are important and we hope to create an atmosphere full of love. Babies are wonderful, each child is like getting a gift.)
4. Check to make sure that you have answered their questions (“Was that helpful? Do you have any other questions?”)
We need to impart our principles and values about sexuality to our children in a very real and practical way. To do that, we need to talk.
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