This past week was our third class in our “Parenting Simply Foundations Course.”
We learnt the following:
1. How to set ourselves up for success so that are houses are running smoothly.
2. Why we need new skills to communicate with our children.
3. Clever ways to help our kids to listen.
Our participants asked great questions. One question was:
I gave my child a choice, “Would you like to shower or clean your room first?” He told me that he would shower first. I checked on him about a half hour later and he had not showered or cleaned up his room. What should I do then?
We spoke about how to hold children accountable to their decisions. We detailed how to review their choices with them so that they understand that they must follow through.
Sneak Peek at Next Week:
1. How to deal with the anger and frustration of everyday life with your child.
2. Bonus techniques to encourage cooperation.
3. Is it misbehavior or developmentally appropriate behavior? What you need to know…
Here is some more information on the techniques we covered last week.
Hope you enjoy:
Teens are in a stage where they are trying to individuate. A teenager needs to separate from his/her parents and become their own independent person. Teens seem to live by the principle of “You can’t tell me what to do!” This is a natural result of their struggle to find themselves. They relay this message to their parents and teachers in their words, their actions, their physical stance and their attitude.
In my classes I advise parents not to engage their children in conflict during this sensitive phase of their lives. Teens get defensive easily and will not hesitate to argue with their parents. Faber and Mazlish, of “How To Talk So Kids Will Listen” encourage parents to gain cooperation by using indirect language and effective communication techniques.
Two skills that can ease the tension between parents and their teens are:
Giving Information and Describing the Problem.
Here are some examples:
When we give information we use a neutral and non-confrontational tone. Giving information reduces conflict. Similarly, when we describe the problem, we avoid giving orders. What needs to be done becomes obvious in the context. It is the child’s conclusion, not the adult’s command. When decisions are self- inferred children are less likely to resist and more likely to cooperate.
Our interactions with our teens can be peaceful and calm. (No, I am not crazy!) We want to avoid conflict with our teens so that the lines of communication remain open. We want to make sure that they always feel comfortable coming to us with their problems.
Let us know what you think. Looking forward to our next class,
Adina