The news is trickling in. It looks like camps are going to be closed this summer and everyone will be home this summer. Parents will be hearing a lot of “I am so bored!”, “There is nothing to do!”
What can we do as parents? We can teach our children to manage their boredom. Here are 7 ways to do that:
1.Tolerating boredom is an important skill:
The philosopher, Bertrand Russel, says:
“A life too full of excitement is an exhausting life, in which continually stronger stimuli are needed to give the thrill that has come to be thought an essential part of pleasure…. A certain power of enduring boredom is therefore essential to a happy life, and is one of the things that ought to be taught to the young.”
It is true. Being bored is a part of life and is a skill we need to learn. Children have to endure a lot of boredom, a tedious lesson at school, waiting in a doctor’s office or when doing chores at home.
It is the same for us adults, we need to listen to our children, our bosses and even our spouses, when we might not want to. Business meetings could feel endless as well as social obligations, like an organization’s fundraiser, or a dinner with extended family.
We all need strategies to deal with boredom and as parents, we are the ones who need to teach our children this important life skill. This is the summer we can teach our kids to tolerate boredom.
2.What you don’t want to do:
When children say they are bored. We usually reply with a litany of ideas for them. “Well, why don’t you have a zoom call with Eli?” or “You just got that new lego set. Why don’t you play with that?”
This never worked for me. Every time I would make a suggestion, my children would reject each one, getting even more frustrated. So instead I stopped and just reflected their feelings:
“Ugh, it’s tough to be bored! You sound pretty frustrated.”
“You are wishing we had more options of what to do around here.”
“Sometimes this quarantine is nice, having everyone home, but sometimes it just feels really boring.”
This would help calm them down. They felt like I was on their team and understood them. They were then often able to come up with their own solutions.
3.Name it:
We can also pre-empt the whole ‘boring’ discussion if we name the elephant in the room. In order to teach our children how to handle boredom, we need to talk about it. Keep a positive, solution- oriented tone. Let kids know:
“This summer we are going to have a lot of downtime. It might feel boring. We are a family that can handle challenges. We will figure out how to manage this.”
4.Brainstorm:
In the next few weeks, plan to sit down with your children for a boredom brainstorming session:
“Ok, guys we need to sit down and figure out a game plan for the summer, especially things to do when we are bored! Let’s come up with some ideas on what we can do.”
Make a list and post it in a public place. For children who can’t read you can make pictures (that can be your first summer activity).
You might want to split the list into things that they can do themselves and things that they need to do with a parent.
It’s best if your children come up with their own ideas, but here are some suggestions:
Play sports
Do arts and crafts
Cloud watching
Play on the swings
Make an obstacle course- inside or outside
Play lego
Put on a play
Make playdoh
Bake a cake
Paint rocks
Ride bikes
Then when your child says, “I’m so bored!”, you don’t have to say a word. You can direct them towards the list.
5.Debrief:
Anytime we are learning a new skill, it’s helpful to assess our progress. At the end of the day we can say:
“So, guys, how do you think we handled our boredom today? How did everybody do?
“There seemed to be a problem around lunch time today, is there a better way for us to handle that?”
If you are having a specific problem with one child, its best to deal with it privately:
“I saw that none of our activities interested you today. Is there anything that we can do that can help you manage your boredom tomorrow? Should we try to brainstorm again?”
6.Praise:
Make sure to praise your children when they do handle their boredom appropriately.
“Today, I saw Dina that you were bored and you looked at the list and you went outside to play on the swing set.”
“I think we did well with our boredom today. We made playdoh, played in the sprinkler and then we colored.”
7.It’s okay to be bored:<a
There are going to be those days where nothing goes right and nothing will interest your kids. It’s best to reflect their feelings, but don’t try to fix it. You can say:
“Yeh, it is just one of those boring days, nothing seems to keep us interested. It’s hot and we are all feeling a little down and very bored. It happens. We will get through this. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day.”
There you have it! It is going to be the best, most boring summer yet!
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