At the beginning of the week we posted an article on Parenting With Anger: Why I Lose Control.
Our article started with the following:
“I am learning all these new communication skills in your classes and they have been extremely helpful when I am calm. When I get angry or after my child has misbehaved it is tough to remember all these techniques. Basically in the heat of the moment, I don’t know what to do! Any ideas that can help?”
We explained what happens to us when we get angry and why we get angry. So now that we understand a bit about our anger and the emotions we are experiencing, what can we do? When kids are misbehaving we almost all feel those feelings of anger bubbling. One Mom told me that she can go from happy to angry in an instant! Here we continue the discussion with what we can do in the heat of the moment:
1. Self-talk
There is another piece to the anger puzzle- what are you telling yourself when you get angry? What does your self-talk sound like?
“My kids are so bad, everyone is going to see, and think I am a horrible parent.”
“I am exhausted and the kids are not listening, I am never going to get what I need to get done, done!”
“I am a terrible mother that I cannot hold it together- why do I always get angry about everything?”
In the heat of the moment, we need to at least recognize that this self-talk in negative and untrue. The next step would be to change our inner language and counter it with more positive ideas:
“Kids misbehave, it’s normal everyone goes through this at some point.”
“I am tired. After I get some rest, things will look a lot better. I always manage to get what I need done, done. It will work out!”
“It’s normal for Mothers to get angry sometimes. Soon I will calm down and it will be okay.”
2. Kids Don’t Do It on Purpose
Sometimes it is helpful to recognize that our kids are not doing it on purpose, they usually don’t mean to be embarrassed disrespect, worry, hurt or make us feel out of control. They are usually just trying to get their own needs met.
3. Deal With Dangerous Behavior Swiftly
If your young child is doing something dangerous- running into the street, touching the electrical outlet, or heading for the hot stove, then move in quickly, grab them and tell them firmly “no!” Although it often does, it does not need to come along with anger. Kids are testing the limits which help them learn the rules of life, or explore. But we often interpret their behavior as bad, when it is pretty normal behavior.
Recognizing and changing our inner language, understanding that kids don’t misbehave on purpose to bother you, and dealing with dangerous behavior swiftly can help us manage the anger that comes along with parenting.
Next week we will talk about 3 more simple ways to manage our anger in the heat of the moment!
Want to learn more? Get started by learning proven techniques and methods in my latest class, Simple Ways to Parent Without Anger today!