Just had a chance to sit down and view your video on respect. While I agree with the why children should respect us, I don’t understand one bit why you suggest that bringing someone a tissue is ‘respectful’ and should be pointed out and praised as such. It is kind, thoughtful, but I think ‘respectful’ is a reach.
sincerely,
Sandra
Thanks so much for your comment! I think you are right, it is a stretch…but according to the Nurtured Heart Approach we need to create moments for our kids where they are successful.
The first time kids usually hear the word respect is when they are being disrespectful- usually because they are being admonished for being disrespectful. I would love for kids to hear about respect when they are acting respectfully and it can even be, when you ask them to get a tissue and they get it for you.
Listening to parents is really tough for kids. Anytime they are able to overcome their natural inclination (which is not to listen) in a broad way they are being respectful, kind, considerate etc.
I once was counseling a woman who was very sweet, and unassertive. We spoke about how hard it is for kids to follow direct commands:
“Take out the garbage.”
“Brush your teeth”
“Eat your vegetables.”
She seemed unconvinced. But at our next session, she said, “You know, every time my husband or kids asked me to do something without a please, I got really annoyed. I don’t like being told to do things either. I now understand how kids feel when we constantly are giving them direct commands.”
My point being, if you ask your kid to get you a tissue and they do, they might be battling their gut feeling of not wanting to do what you have asked them to do. So, anytime they do what you ask them to do, it could be looked at as a sign of respect!
2 Responses
Just had a chance to sit down and view your video on respect. While I agree with the why children should respect us, I don’t understand one bit why you suggest that bringing someone a tissue is ‘respectful’ and should be pointed out and praised as such. It is kind, thoughtful, but I think ‘respectful’ is a reach.
sincerely,
Sandra
Thanks so much for your comment! I think you are right, it is a stretch…but according to the Nurtured Heart Approach we need to create moments for our kids where they are successful.
The first time kids usually hear the word respect is when they are being disrespectful- usually because they are being admonished for being disrespectful. I would love for kids to hear about respect when they are acting respectfully and it can even be, when you ask them to get a tissue and they get it for you.
Listening to parents is really tough for kids. Anytime they are able to overcome their natural inclination (which is not to listen) in a broad way they are being respectful, kind, considerate etc.
I once was counseling a woman who was very sweet, and unassertive. We spoke about how hard it is for kids to follow direct commands:
“Take out the garbage.”
“Brush your teeth”
“Eat your vegetables.”
She seemed unconvinced. But at our next session, she said, “You know, every time my husband or kids asked me to do something without a please, I got really annoyed. I don’t like being told to do things either. I now understand how kids feel when we constantly are giving them direct commands.”
My point being, if you ask your kid to get you a tissue and they do, they might be battling their gut feeling of not wanting to do what you have asked them to do. So, anytime they do what you ask them to do, it could be looked at as a sign of respect!