About a month ago we finished our “How To Talk So Kids Will Listen” workshop by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish at a local school. In our last class we talk about how to free children from their roles and how to improve their most difficult behavior.
According to Faber and Mazlish, in order to improve our kid’s behavior we need to think about what role they have been placed in. One Mom, shared the difficulties that she was having with her son, Adam. She said, “I hate to say this, but I think we have placed him in the role of being The Annoying One. I have such a hard time with him. What can I do?”
Faber and Mazlish provide parents with some skills that can help improve a child’s behavior. We brainstormed a bit about techniques she could use.
We first tried to look at positive aspects of Adam’s role. We decided that he likes attention and he also likes to be in the middle of the action at home.
If that is the case then Adam needs lots of positive attention and he needs help interacting with his siblings in a positive way.
This is what else we came up with:
1. Give the child a new picture of himself:
We determined that it would be helpful to let Adam know that he is capable of interacting well with others and give him positive attention in that way. Adam’s Mom could say:
“You were able to tell Sammy the answer to his math homework. That was helpful.”
2.Put child in new situations where they can see themselves differently:
We also felt that Adam’s Mom could also orchestrate some situations where Adam could gain a new picture of himself. For example,
“Adam, you be in charge of the baby. She needs her cereal. Here is her bib.”
“Adam, Sammy and his friend are having problems finding a game to play. Could you help them figure something out?”
3. Be A Storehouse For Special Moments:
We decided that to really help Adam, we can remind him of the times that he acted kindly, and was not annoying.
Some examples that we came up with were:
“Remember you were bothering your sister and I asked you to stop and you stopped.”
“Remember when your brother was sad and you gave him your toy to play with.”
Freeing children from their negative roles and improving their difficult behaviors can be rough. With some understanding, innovation and creativity parents can help them work through and improve even their worst behaviors.
Let us know what you think. Leave your comments below!
Stay tuned for our newest class: “How To Change Your Child’s Worst Behaviors!”