Dear Adina,
My 4 year old son stole toys from his classroom. He took them and put it in his pocket as he was getting ready to leave. The teacher saw what he did and said, “You can’t take toys from the classroom.” He said, “I didn’t! These are my toys.” The teacher took the toys back from him. I picked him up from school and the teacher told me what happened. I am really upset that he took the toys and then he lied about it. What should I do?
Thank you so much for your question.
Here is what I think:
When the teacher said to Eli, “You can’t take toys from the classroom” , Eli was pushed into a place where he felt he needed to defend himself . I am not sure I know of any kids who are accused and will not lie. All of us, including kids have a gut reaction to protect ourselves at any cost, even if we have to lie. Adults have had sometime to develop the trait of honesty and many of us do come clean when we are faced with our wrongdoing. But it is not easy.
Let’s give the teacher the benefit of the doubt and say that it was the end of a long, tiring day and she did not manage this in the best way possible. With the benefit of hindsight, it would have been better if the teacher would have handled this problem in a more gentle manner. In a perfect world, she could have taken the child aside and:
Reminded him of the rule:
“Oh, no! We have a little problem. I think we need to remind you of the rule. Toys from school stay in school. Your toys from home you can put into your pockets and bring them back an forth. I am so glad that I am able to remind you of this rule.”
Give him a choice on how he can make ammends:
“You can put the toys back on the shelf yourself or I can do it for you.”
Positively reinforce his choices:
When the teacher saw you at pickup she could have said:
“Hi, Mrs. S. I just wanted to tell you what happened today at school. We reminded Eli of the rule in school. Toys at school stay at school. Eli gave back the school toy that he was taking home. After I reminded him about the rule, he knew the right thing to do and gave me the toys to put on the shelf.”
That was my idealistic view of how the problem should be handled. But it wasn’t, so what should you do now?
Reflect his feelings:
“It seems to me you had a rough day today.You took toys from the classroom and your teacher was upset.”
Show that you have faith in him:
“If you would have known that taking toys from the classroom was not allowed, you never would have done it. I know next time you will remember the rule. Do you want me to review the rule: Toys from the classroom stay in the classroom. Toys from home can go in your pocket and can be taken back and forth from school.”
I hope this helped. Good Luck!
Adina
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