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Simple Ways To Help Your Kids Thrive In School
Here are 2 more ways that we can use empathy to give the reassurance and support, that these struggling learners so desperately crave:
1. Give them their wishes in fantasy
Many times when children complain, we respond with rational explanations of why they shouldn’t feel the way that they feel.
“You better start liking your homework or you are not going to get a good grade.”
“You don’t really hate your teacher. She is such a nice person and maybe she was having a hard day.”
When children are in a negative state of mind, we want to avoid dismissing their feelings. It just makes them feel misunderstood. Instead we can give them their wishes in fantasy. Similar to reflecting feelings, this language shows empathy; it soothes and pacifies children.
Here are some examples of how this works:
“You wish that reading came easier to you. You probably wish you could wave a magic wand and it would all be clear!”
“You wish homework wouldn’t take so long. You wish it was easier!”
“You wish your teacher would have assigned you the report on penguins. You wish you could have chosen your own topic.”
“You wish that Sara would have played the game that you wanted to today at recess. You wish you hadn’t fought about the jump rope.”
Ideally, this will help diffuse negative emotions, possibly bring a smile to their face and open up the channels of communication. There probably will still be more complaints and they can be met with listening sounds and reflection of feelings. After you have let your child vent for a bit, they might feel better and ready to work. If they are still upset, you can try the next step.
2. Start with an empathetic word and then ask gently, “What are you going to do”? or, “What can you do?”
We want to encourage our children to persevere in the face of their challenge.
We can do this by saying:
“This is tough. The assignment is to read this paragraph and you don’t want to. What are you going to do?”
”This is rough. Homework is overwhelming you right now. What can you do? “
“You sound so upset about this project you were assigned. What can you do?
“It’s rough to be teased, what can you do when you feel hurt like that?”
When we empathize we show our children that we care and we understand. Gently asking the question “What can you do?” not only guides children to think of ways to resolve their issues, it also gives a soft message that they are capable of managing their own problems.
Children with learning issues need our compassion but also need to know that they can overcome their academic challenges. Being empathetic can give them the help and support they need to do just that.
This is part of a full series on Help for Kids Struggling In School.
Take My Brand New Class!
Simple Ways To Help Your Kids Thrive In School
References:
http://www.ncld.org/students-disabilities/ld-education-teachers/tips-teachers-accommodating-students-dyslexia
Cline, F., Fay, J. (1990). Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility. CO: Pinon Press.
Faber, Adele and Elaine Mazlish. How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk, Avon Books, 1980