Dear Adina,
I am having so much trouble with my 8 year old son. We are fighting all the time. I ask him to brush his teeth, he won’t do it. I ask him to eat his vegetables he refuses. I ask him to clean his room and he tells me he likes it just fine. I am at my wits end with him and I don’t know what to do! Can you help?
Thanks so much for your question. Here is what I think:
Kids do not like to listen to us, their parents. They do not want to brush their teeth, they do not want to eat their vegetables and they do not want to clean their room. That is all natural. They will use all type of tactics not to do what they need to do. Some kids will get sneaky. They might say that they have brushed their teeth and just wet their toothbrush and put toothpaste on their tongue for that fresh breath smell. Those kids will also shove their messes under their bed and feed their green beans to the dog. Other kids will try to gain your sympathy. They will whine and plead fatigue whenever you ask them to do something. Some kids will fight tooth and nail not to have to do it.
It sounds like you have the latter, the kind of kid who does not go down without a fight.
You need to take a deep breath, recognize he is a very normal 8 year old, with an independent streak. Then you need to find clever ways to engage his cooperation. One great way to do that is to give him choices. This helps him feel in control and helps him flex his muscles of independence in healthy ways:
For example:
Which toothpaste would you like to use to brush your teeth, your cherry flavored toothpaste or my minty tasting toothpaste?
Would you like to choose the vegetables we are having for dinner tonight? We have cucumbers or carrots. Would you like that with a dip or plain?
How would you like to clean your room? Do you want to start with the toys or the clothing?
That is just one great skill to use to help stop power struggles and help kids listen.
You can get our free email course to learn more ways to help your kids listen if you click here.
I hope this helped!
Good Luck,
Adina