My parents were pretty laid back about school. I don’t remember them ever bothering me about homework. I think they even once said, “Forget homework, go outside and play.”
Because of that, I have never gotten so uptight about schoolwork with my kids. I feel like it is their schoolwork and it is their responsibility. One of my sons goes to a school where his grades and homework assignments are posted online daily. I don’t even know how to log on. I wait for his report card.
So, I was happy to see that the number one predictor for success in life is not your IQ. It is not how well you do in school. It is your optimism level, a positive attitude that gets you ahead in life. A strong social support system, and an ability to see stress as a challenge and not a threat can also help.
That means that instead of focusing on academics, the best gifts we can give our kids are a positive outlook on life, a good, strong family and community and to help them become resilient.
To foster a positive attitude in our kids we want to avoid telling them:
“You need to be more positive, you shouldn’t get upset about everything.”
Instead we want to ask questions that can promote feelings of optimism:
- “What do you think we can do as a family to start being more positive?”
- “What do you think will help you get out of your bad mood? What will work for you, reading a good book, visiting with friends, a walk? Everyone needs to know that one thing that can perk themselves up.”
- “You seem so sad, is there anything I can do to help?”
We can also role model:
“Boy, I am really frustrated with how my day went. I am going to try to focus on all the positive things that happened to me today, like, I wore my favorite sweater, I had a really good healthy lunch and I spoke to Aunt Sara today. I hope if I do that it will make me feel better.”
Promoting a positive attitude in our kids will be the best way to help them succeed in life. Stay tuned for our next post where we will discuss how to build a strong social support system and foster resiliency in our kids.