Instead of: Try:
Dear Adina,
My son doesn’t do his homework when I tell him. Then when it is time to go to sleep, he says he has to do his homework. I tell him that it is too late to do his homework. Then he says he is going to tell his teacher that I didn’t let him do his homework. Help! I really don’t know what to do!
You have a very smart kid- who does not want to go to sleep and does not want to do his homework. However, you as the adult are smarter. I think the best reply in this specific situation is this: “That is a wonderful idea. Tell your teacher that I did not let you do your homework and please have her call me. Then she and I can discuss some ways that will help you schedule yourself so that you are doing your homework at a reasonable time. I bet she will have some great ideas. Right now it is time to go to sleep. I hope you don’t get in trouble tomorrow for not doing your homework. I hope she will understand that we haven’t figured out a schedule that works for you this year.”
This is just the beginning. You want to sit down with your child and discuss ways that he is going to take responsibility for his homework and his sleep schedule.
You can ask him the following questions:
- When do you think would be a good time for you to get your homework done?
- How long does it take you to do your homework?
- How can you fit your extracurricular activities into your schedule?
- How are you going to get to sleep on time? I think for your age a 9:00 or 9:30 bedtime is reasonable.
- I spoke to your teacher and she says that homework should take you no more than an half hour. She also said that the best time to do your homework is when you come home from school or right after dinner. What do you think about that?
Use these questions as a springboard for further discussion. Really listen to what he has to say. You also need to know what would be acceptable to you. If you are uncomfortable with his decisions, you can say so, in a diplomatic way.
“I know you want to do your homework at 8:30 and go to sleep at 9:30. I am not comfortable with that decision. 8:30 seems very late to be starting your work. I think we need to rework this schedule. Do you have time to go over this again?”
I hope this helped.
Good Luck,
Adina