Everyone hates hearing I told you so…especially children. Think about how you feel when you are driving around in circles and your spouse says “I told you 20 minutes ago we should have made a right not a left!” Or how about when your new hairdresser makes you look like Medusa and your mother says “I told you not to go to that fancy place, now look at you!” Let’s face it, humans like to be right and it feels so good to say “I told you so, if you would have only listened to me things would be going so well for you right now!” Parents especially have this need, because they are biologically programmed to protect their young from harm.
As parents, how do we manage those intense feelings of needing to be right, needing to say “I told you so…”, while still respecting and maintaining the dignity of our children? How can I be a more positive parent?
Show Empathy To Your Children
In the long run, it is better to show our children that we care than making sure that they know that we are “always” right. So…
Instead of:
“I told you to use a pencil first to write on the poster board and then use a marker, now you have made a mess and that was our last poster board!
Try Empathizing and saying, “ Sometimes it helps:
“ Oh no! You forgot the rule about using a pencil first, you must be so frustrated. Sometimes it helps to make a flower or paste a picture over a mistake.”
Instead of:
“Your teacher’s upset, she says you are the class clown and you are disruptive- I told you, save your jokes for recess and start paying attention in class!”
Try this: Empathize and ask ‘what are you going to do’?
“You are not going to be happy about this- your teacher called about your behavior in class…what are you going to do about this very serious problem?…”
Needing to be right is one of those quirks of human nature that can damage our relationships. Finding ways to manage those quirks in an intelligent way can help us maintain our dignity and the dignity of our children while nurturing the child/parent relationship.
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[audio:https://backup.parentingsimply.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/i-told-you-so.mp3|titles=I Told You So-What To Say Instead]