We just celebrated Thanksgiving and so many parents asked me, “How can I teach my kids to be grateful?”
Most of you know by now that my answer is pretty simple. Any time you want to teach your child anything you need to make sure that your role modeling the behavior. That means that if you want your kids to be grateful, you need to be practicing gratefulness yourself.
Once we have learned to be grateful and take stock and appreciate all that we have we can talk in a non-confrontational way about it to our kids. Talks like these are best done when we are relaxed, around the dinner table or even in the car.
We want to avoid lecturing our kids: “You should appreciate what you have, there are people starving in Africa!” or “I can’t believe you, you are so spoiled, you never are happy with what you have. You are always asking for more!” This tactic just makes kids feel guilty, defensive, and angry, not more grateful.
It’s more effective if we talk about ourselves and what we appreciate.
The other day, I received a phone call from someone who was having a health issue and needed a recommendation for a doctor. I got off the phone visibly distressed and my daughter asked what was wrong. I told her that there was a family that was having some problems and they needed some help finding a doctor. “When I hear stories like these I just thank G-d for all we have,” I said to her. “I feel so grateful for our loving, healthy family.”
It is also helpful to say:
“I love this winter coat. I am so grateful to have a warm winter coat!”
“I love our tree in our backyard. The colors of the leaves are so beautiful. I am so grateful to have something so beautiful to look at right outside my window.”
“I am so happy to have a dishwasher! I don’t like washing dishes and I am happy that I don’t have too!”
The indirect lessons taught through our own actions and words pack a bigger punch then a moral lecture.