What is all this hype about emotional intelligence? Emotional intelligence is the new buzzword in education and parenting. Research has shown that it is an important factor in helping our kids have healthy relationships with their spouses, friends and co-workers. Adults who are emotionally intelligent are happier and more satisfied with their lives. Kids who are emotionally intelligent are better behaved, more resilient, responsible and calmer and are more likely to be emotionally intelligent adults.
There are kids who are naturally intelligent emotionally. They get along easier with others, their parents, teachers and friends. They are more resilient, they bounce back easily from disappointment. They are able to monitor and manage their feelings, the have self-control (Ability to resist temptation in the service of a higher goal) and they naturally take into consideration the feelings of others. We all know and like these kids. But what if your child is not like this? What if he is one of those kids who gets upset easily and is more uptight?
Fortunately, research has shown that emotional intelligence can be taught.
One great way to teach emotional intelligence in our homes is to let your family members know that they can and should take breaks from one another when emotions are running high.
When kids are fighting we can gently separate them and encourage them to find a quiet place to recharge. We can say, “Looks like you are having trouble getting along. Now is a good time to play quietly far away from each other.”
We (the parents) can also role model emotionally intelligent language:
“Boy, I am in a bad mood. I need a couple of minutes of quiet to pull myself out of this funk. I’ll be in my room if you need me.”
Family life is not always easy. Finding ways to cope can ease the tensions that arise. Treating others and yourself with respect when you are not at your best helps keep everyone on an even keel. This is a great way to encourage emotional intelligence at home.
One Response
Far from a new idea, my book Parents Are People Too, An Emotional Fitness Program for Parents was published in 1997 and based partly on Goleman’s work. But I have always been an early adapter and am glad to see you promoting Emotional Intelligence.
In addition to being a trained therapist my husband and I were special need foster parents and ultimately cared for 366 teens all in trouble with the law. My foster children taught me that if I didn’t handle my feelings, they could not handle theirs.
Would love to have you review my electronic edition of PAPT. Let me know if you are interested and I will send you a reviewer’s packet.
Meanwhile stay strong. I will be pinning your web page in a few minutes.