In our family we have a few phrases that help us live together peaceably, most of the time, okay, at least the times that we remember to use the peaceable phrases.
One such phrase is this:
“I guess we just had a miscommunication.”
Miscommunications happen all the time in families. In my family, it happens with my husband and it happens with my kids…a lot.
A typical miscommunication sounds like this:
Me to husband: “Did you leave the sub sandwiches in the car?” The kids are starved!”
Husband to me: “I thought you were going to pick up dinner, you said that I would be home too late and you were going to get them.”
Me to husband: “Yes, but then I told you that you should pick up dinner, because I had to drive all the kids home from soccer and it would be out of my way to pick up dinner.”
Husband to me: “I think I missed that part of the conversation.”
Me to husband: “I guess we just had a miscommunication.”
I could get angry, but it is pointless.
We would just end up arguing over he said, she said. It was truly a miscommunication. Frankly, I can’t really blame my husband because I change my mind and plans often and I forget to tell the other members of my family, I just assume that they can read my mind. I kid you not…that is why I try hard not to get too upset about miscommunications. When I say, “I guess we just had a miscommunication.”, most of the time it helps put my anger and frustration on the back burner.
This happens with my kids as well.
Child to me: “Mom are you coming to the science fair today?”
Me: ” I thought it was tomorrow.”
Child: “Oh, I thought I told you, we had to push it up a day because Mrs. Smith’s daughter just had a baby.”
Another miscommunication. I could get mad and annoyed and rail against Mrs. Smith and her “inconsiderate” daughter, but again it is pointless. Granted, since I work from home, I am usually able to be flexible, which is the whole point of me working from home, but it is annoying nonetheless. It is still a choice, I have to make. I can get mad, or I could choose the peaceful path. The more I say, “I guess we just had a miscommunication.”, the easier it is to choose the peaceful path.
Now it has become a part of our family’s lexicon. You can hear using variations of this phrase:
“Oh boy, sorry for the miscommunication.”
“I must have miscommunicated that.”
“That is quite a miscommunication.”
Having these phrases as part of our family’s vocabulary has reduced the tension in our home. I think it teaches a valuable lesson about how mistakes in the form of miscommunications are part and parcel of life and can be managed with equanimity. It certainly has helped me, many times, keep my anger and frustration at bay.
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