Dear Adina,
I know you have been talking a lot about girl’s self-esteem but what about boys? I need some help boosting my 7 year old son self-image. He seems very down on himself. I tell him that he is a great kid, and how much I love him but that does not seem to help. What can I do?
Thanks for your question. Sometimes we do overlook our boys! They need us to support them and build their confidence as well.
The simplest way to help our children become confident and comfortable in their own skin is to use descriptive praise instead of evaluative praise.
Evaluative praise sounds like this “you are so smart”, “you have the best personality”, “you are so handsome” or “you are great!”. Evaluative praise is seen as mechanical and empty, it gives children a fleeting sense of well-being. It makes children uncomfortable and defensive. We want to be more descriptive when we praise our children, this will give them a positive picture of their capabilities and will truly boost their self-esteem:
The following are examples on how we can accomplish this:
Instead of:
“You are the greatest”
Describe what he did:
“I really appreciate that you shoveled the snow. Grandma is coming over later and she won’t have trouble getting into the house. That was helpful.”
Instead of:
“You are so smart.”
Be descriptive and focus on his accomplishments:
“You put effort into your book report. You read the book, answered the questions and drew a picture for the cover. You had it ready for the due date. That’s called being responsible.”
Instead of:
“You have a great personality!”
“I think Sam had a good time here. You made him feel welcome when you asked him what he likes to do. When he told you he loves soccer, you got out your soccer ball and you played with him. That’s called being a good host.”
When we praise descriptively we give children tangible pictures of their abilities and accomplishments that they can return to over and over again when they are feeling unsure of themselves and let down.
I hope this helps.
Good Luck!
Adina