In our post last week we discussed how important it is to give our children choices. It helps them feel in charge of themselves, they get to exercise their independence and they also get a chance to practice their decision making skills.
There are many more pluses to this parenting techniques of giving choices. Becky Bailey, author of “Easy To Love, Difficult To Discipline” lists the following benefits:
1. Children learn to attend to tasks for which they are responsible.
2. Children learn what tasks their parents find important.
3. Children learn to obey their parents in a manner that is not demeaning to them
4. Children feel empowered so that they do not have to engage in power struggles with their parents.
5. Parents can redirect behavior and train children to control their impulses.
6. Children learn to establish and maintain self-control.
7. Children learn the value of committing to decisions.
8. Children can practice sacrificing one thing for another.
Becky Bailey suggests that parents use the following formula when offering choices to their young children:
1. Take a deep breath and think about what you want your child to do. Doing this helps to keep parents calm so that they can effectively manage any parenting situation. The easy ones and the tough ones.
2. Say, “You have a choice!” with an upbeat tone. Positive energy begets positive energy. If your child is having a rough time complying, this can help improve their mood and encourage cooperation.
3. Give two positive choices: “You may __________or you may_________.”
4. Ask your child to commit to his/her choice: You can ask: “What is your choice?”
5. Make sure to notice their choice: “You chose_________.”
Bailey feels that this last step is important because it helps children recognize that they have made a choice. Many adults have a hard time making choices and end up feeling like they have no control over their life. Children who are made aware that they have made a choice feel more in charge of themselves, psychologically and physiologically. In general, it helps them maintain their self control.
Here is an example of how parents can use this helpful formula:
Instead of:
Try this:
Giving children choices has many advantages and should be used liberally by parents. For more information on giving choices join our “Parenting Simply” workshop. Class starts, Wednesday evening, July 6, 2011 9-10pm EST.
Looking forward to meeting you.