All I Want For Mother’s Day: Confessions Of A Parent Educator

This is what I want for Mother’s Day.

I want to be able to say what I want and I want to say exactly what is on my mind.

The other day, I was not in the best of moods. My husband said, “What can I help you with?” I said, “I just need to someone to yell at and be nasty to. That is how you can help.” He said, “No way!”  He was not up to being my whipping post.

So much of parenting and wifing is in what you don’t give voice to. It is the self-control that you exert when you want to yell (the urge can hit you at the weirdest times) but you don’t. It is the everyday annoyances and frustrations that you keep to yourself because you know that if you don’t, you will hurt feelings, sound like a maniac or scare the living daylights out of someone. So on mother’s day- I want to let loose, spread my wings and give voice to every negative thought that I have. I want to say everything the parenting experts(can I still include myself in that equation?) say that you  should not say. And most important, I don’t want to suffer the repercussions of being cranky and witch-like. I still want to come out smelling like a rose.

My day would go like this:

When my husband leaves his socks on the floor:

Instead of thinking:

“He is really a good husband in every other way. So he leaves his socks on the floor. No biggie.”

I want to say:

“Pick your smelly socks off the carpet. There are many places to put them besides the floor. There is a hamper, a laundry room or even better a washing machine!!!”

When my kid’s ask, “What are we doing today?”

I want to say, “I am not doing anything. I am sitting right here on the couch and I am watching the 6 hour DVD of Pride and Prejudice. Don’t you dare interrupt. When I say don’t interrupt I am not just talking about bothering me for the good parts, Mr. Darcy’s initial proposal, the accidental meeting of Darcy and Elizabeth at Pemberly or the final satisfyingly romantic proposal. I mean for 6 hours don’t talk to me.”

When my son says, “Mommy, I can’t find my soccer jersey!”

Instead of saying sweetly,

“I will check the laundry room for it!

I want to be able to say:

“I do not care about your soccer jersey. I am not helping you look for it. Oh! and by the way, I do not want to wash another item that has mud, goop, and grass on it. I would like your soccer jersey to magically come home from your game, put itself in the washing machine and find its way to your drawer all by itself!
Come to think of it, there will be no more organized sports and extracurricular activities. You are going to play in the backyard, with a regular shirt like they did in the olden days.”

When someone says, “What’s for dinner, Mom?”

Instead of saying in an upbeat tone:

“Chicken and rice. Your favorite!”

I want to say:

“Shhhh! I am watching Pride and Prejudice!”

So what do you think, fellow Moms, is that too much to ask?

If you  think about it, it is a great gift. It has lots of pluses. It doesn’t cost a thing and you don’t have to spend anytime in a store to get it. That should make the men in our lives happy. And  really if your family buys some earplugs they won’t even have to listen to it.

Do you think I will get what I want for Mother’s Day this year? Wish me luck!
Happy Mother’s Day!!!!!!