The other day I started to answer the following question from one tired Mom:
Dear Adina,
I have a 2.5 year old and a 7 month old. In a nutshell, it’s like my parenting has gone down the drain as far as my toddler is concerned. If I may say so myself, I used to be a really great mom. I tried REALLY hard.
All was good for the first 2 or so months of the new baby’s life. And it’s been downhill from there, culminating in a nearly zero-patience mom at this stage.
Overall, he’s a sweet, good-natured kid. I’d say his two biggest “downfalls” are that he doesn’t sleep nearly as much as he should (no idea how to fix it) and, definitely partly–though not completely–as a result of that, tends to be a bit of a crybaby.
I usually lose it when he’s crying about something: more videos (that’s a big one), if he gets hurt (after starting up with another kid), if he won’t calm down, or go back to sleep. I also get really annoyed when he just won’t do something, especially if we’re in a rush or the baby is crying (e.g. get dressed to go out). I also get upset if he’s aggressive with other kids and ignores me when I tell him to stop.
He’s home with me because I felt he wasn’t ready for school. I’m a stay-at-home mom.
I don’t know what to attribute this to. His behavior hasn’t changed nearly as much as mine has, if really at all, so I know the issue lies with me. I am sleep-deprived, but I don’t think any more than I’ve been before. I used to budget significant amount of time to spend with him, and now I just feel like I don’t have the energy or motivation to do so (though I never enjoyed the actual “playing”; I did it to enhance the relationships) — maybe there’s been a breakdown in my connection to him so I’m less tolerant.
Any suggestions as far as causes and/or ideas for improvement would be so greatly appreciated.
Thank you!!
In our last post I suggested that she not be so hard on herself, terrible twos can be tricky, to be firm while setting limits and ride out his tantrums as calmly as she can.
Here are some more ideas on how to handle her son:
1. Deal With Aggression Swiftly and Calmly:
If he is aggressive with other kids you can just move him away and say firmly:
“I know you didn’t mean to hurt anyone, but you may not hit. Come sit with me for a bit.” or something like that.
If he gets hurt- and he cries a lot- you can make a big deal out of it- he is looking for attention and you can give it to him:
“Oh you poor baby- come sit with me- I will give you a kiss… lets get a bandaid…etc.”
2. The new baby
Your son is smack in the middle of terrible twos and you have a baby. All kids no matter how loving they may act to a new baby have issues with a new baby, totally normal and totally annoying for parents.
They might not act aggressive towards the baby, but they will cry at slightest problem- no more videos, gets hurt, and be aggressive with other kids.
Sometimes, just acknowledging their feelings helps:
“Sometimes you like having the new baby around, he is fun, and he laughs and you can play with him. Sometimes it feels like he takes up too much of Mommy’s time and it can make children feel sad.
If you get sad just let me know, say, ‘Mommy, I need attention’…”
You can also reassure him:
“Mommy’s heart grows bigger each time she has a new baby. She has room in her heart to love all her children.”
He might not respond to this or even completely understand what you are saying- but he will be inwardly relieved to know that you love him- that someone understands his conflicted feelings.
3. Let him have some control:
2 year olds- do not respond well to direct commands, get dressed, get into the car….they take it as a personal invitation to fight with you…(all kids do this but especially 2 year olds).
Do you want the blue or red pants?
Do you want the blue or red cup?
Do you want to jump or hop to the car?
4. Take care of yourself:
Make time for yourself- you sound a bit burned out- 2 year olds and babies can do that to you. You don’t have to play with your children all the time. Put on an that extra video….
If I think of anything else will let you know.
Good Luck,
Adina