In our last 3 posts, I collaborated with Brochie Weinberg, MS, LPCC ,and we started to answer the following question:
Dear Adina,
My 7 -year old daughter is switching to a new class this year with a new group of girls, some of whom she’s already met over summer camp. The last class she was in was comprised of more bossy girls and she’d come home telling me the girls were hurtful or would not play with her. I’m hopeful the new class will be a better fit, as the girls are more friendly and less competitive. By nature my daughter is more sweet and thoughtful. She is very bright and less of a leader, more of a follower type. She is nervous and anxious about making the switch. Do you have any advice as to how I can help her acclimate to her new class? Any ideas on how to help her forge new friendships? I’ve already arranged play dates with a handful of the new girls, but so far she has had one play date. As a mother, what tools can I give my daughter before entering the first day?
-From a mother who only wants to see her kids happy
In our last 3 posts we discussed how important it is to just listen to our daughters without jumping in to give advice, how to teach kids what it means to be a good friend and how to notice if someone is a good friend. Finally, we discussed how parents can share their own social dilemmas to help their daughter’s navigate social situations. In today’s post we are going to discuss how to encourage our daughters to make new friends when they are moving to a new class and why happiness is not good for kids.
4. Making new friends:
If your child is moving to a new class and does have trouble making new friends it is helpful to give her a brief tutorial in making friends. Again, this needs to be done in a way where she can hear you and she does not feel like you are lecturing her.
In a quiet time, you can say, “Let’s see you are moving into a new class this year. That means new friends. I just read this article about making friends. Do you know what it said?
It gave 3 simple ways to make friends:
Make an effort- don’t sit around and wait for someone else to strike up a conversation with you
You can make an effort by:
Greeting new people and acquaintances with a smile
Give an honest compliment like, “I love your yellow headband, yellow is my favorite color.”
Find common interests and invite them to share in activities with you. If you like jumping rope, arts and crafts and soccer, you might want to find other girls who have those same interests, so you can talk about it with them and then invite them to play with you.
7. Happiness is not good for kids:
You end your letter with “From a mother who only wants to see her kids happy.” We all want our kids to be happy, have friends, do well in school, and never feel sad. However, it is not a realistic goal. Instead of worrying if our kids are happy, it is better if we would be mothers who give children the tools they need to manage the challenges that are inherent in life. It sounds so simple, but it can change our parenting in profound ways. It is ultimately the best way to create happy children.
Want to hear more great advice from Brochie Weinberg, MS, LPCC?
Join us for a highly informative lecture:
Why Do Our Children Worry So Much: Helping Children Work Through Their Anxiety
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
7:30 PM
Stonehill Auditorium
Mandel JCC
Cleveland, Ohio
Make sure to sign up here!
Why Do Our Children Worry So Much: Helping Children Work Through Their Anxiety
Brochie Weinberg received her M.S. at NorthEastern University in School Counseling and her LPCC, Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor at John Caroll University . Brochie is a clinical counselor at A+ Solutions and provides individual counseling for children, adolescents and adults. She is also a school – based therapist at Yavne Junior High School where she provides individual and group counseling, classroom guidance, teacher training and faculty consultations. She runs social skills programs and creative workshops for preschool age children as well as adolescents on the topics of self esteem, handling emotions, friendship skills and study skills. Brochie works with children and adults with a variety of issues. In her personable approach, she draws from a wide range of theoretical orientations to creatively meet the needs of each client.
To set up your appointment with Brochie Weinberg, call our offices at 216-896-0111