How I Got Rid Of Sibling Rivalry In My Home

So you want to hear how I got rid of sibling rivalry in my home?

It was quite simple. My kid’s schedules changed. In the morning they all leave to school at different times. The one who is the most contentious and prone to conflict leaves the earliest. He does not even see his siblings in the morning. He only has to deal with me, making him brush his teeth and wash his face before he can look at the Cleveland Indian’s score.

I can’t even tell you how wonderful this has been for me. I actually can get things done in the morning. Just today, during the time I generally had to play judge and juror, I put up my chicken soup, baked 2 cakes and put a load of laundry in the wash.

Seriously, when you are trying to figure out how to manage sibling rivalry in your home you do want to take your kid’s schedule into account. The fact that my kids all now have different school start times was obviously not something in which I had control. But I do think that we can plan our days with our kids input to reduce some of the sibling conflict in our homes.

Here are two ways we can do that:

1. Stagger bedtimes:

Many parents put their kids to bed at the same time. I appreciate the efficiency. When my kids were little, I lived for bedtime (not the actual getting ready for bed, but when they were finally sleeping.) However, kids need to connect with their parents at the end of the day and they would prefer to do that without a sibling hanging on. They can then get some one on one time. This helps kids feel loved uniquely for themselves. This is one of the best ways to prevent the worst of sibling rivalry.

Older siblings also feel it is their right to stay up later just because they are older. It is one of the unspoken rules of siblings that kids live by, (sometimes only in their own head.) If the rule is violated they feel more put out by their younger sibling and resentment simmers.

I remember as a child being exhausted and resisting sleep because my younger sister had taken a nap and was not ready for bed. I would not give up my privilege of having a later bedtime just because I was a little tired. My parents could not understand why I was giving them such a hard time and forced me to go to sleep. The next day I was not very nice to my sister. I remember clearly that I would not share my dolls with her as a punishment for her very serious transgression of going to bed later than me, the older sister.

2. Stagger TV time:

My kids get 30-60 minutes of electronic time a day. The time generally depends on the weather and their moods when they get home. That includes the TV, computer or the Wii.

After many brainstorming sessions, we have worked out an agreement. My daughter gets home first and she knows that she needs to use her electronic time within the next hour before her brothers get home. Once her brothers come home, she needs to relinquish all rights to electronics.
My two boys who come home at the same time, decided that
A. gets to use his electronic time first and can choose between the Wii, computer or TV. E. then either decides to play on one of the devices A. is not using or he uses his electronic time later on because he has a later bedtime.

Staggering bedtimes and planning with my kids on how to stagger their electronic time, has been a real help in reducing the fighting that goes on in my house. I highly recommend trying it in your home.

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