I used to hate it when I was a kid and my mother would start to nag. I told myself, I would never, ever nag when I was a Mom.
Then when I became a Mom, although I was committed to a no nag policy, I didn’t even know how to start. I was now responsible for all the household chores, cleaning, cooking etc. How was I going to get the help I needed without nagging. Was it possible?
After years of studying parenting books and teaching classes, I know that there are better ways. It is not always easy but you do not need to nag to get the cooperation that you desire. The best way to stop the nagging is to use some “I” statements.
Instead of nagging, use the phrase, “I noticed…”:
Don’t nag:
How many times have I told you to clean your room? This is ridiculous already!
Try this:
I noticed the clothes and food on the floor. I need to know when it will be cleaned up.
Repeat as needed.
Instead of nagging, you can also use the phrase, “I am concerned…”:
Don’t nag:
“How many times have I told you to ride your bike on the sidewalk! You never listen!”
Try this:
I am concerned for your safety when I see you in the street. I need to know that you will ride your bike on the sidewalk.
Don’t nag:
How many times have I told you to do your homework!
Try this:
I am concerned that your homework is not done. I need to know when you plan on doing it.
Repeat as needed.
You can also use the phrase, “I was hoping…”:
Don’t nag:
How many times have I told you not to eat before dinner. You are going to ruin your apetite!
Try this:
I was hoping you would save your apetite for dinner. I need to know that dinner will be eaten.
Don’t nag:
How many times have I told you to be home on time. You are going to get yourself grounded!
Try this:
I was hoping you would come home on time today. I need to know that this will not happen again.
Kids will tune out when parents start to nag. You have a much better chance at compliance when you use “I” statements and tack on a request for cooperation or a deadline to meet those requests. This is the better way!