Instead of Criticizing: Be Positive and Empathetic:
I asked the following question to my Facebook friends:
“What are some of the tough behaviors your kids might exhibit?”
One Mom said, “Having to deal with my teen, Dina, trying to model herself after other kids she perceives as cool!”
This was a tricky one. At first I thought that this is something we all went through as teens and Dina would eventually grow out of it. But then I could imagine as a parent it is hard to watch your child go through this.There had to be something she could do.
We just finished our “How To Talk So Kids Will Listen” workshop by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish at a local school. In our last class we talk about how to free children from their roles and how to improve their most difficult behavior.
Using the principles outlined in the workshop and a little creativity this is what I came up with:
In order to improve kid’s behavior we need to think about what role they have been placed in. In this situation, this teen seemed to be in the role of follower, she was lacking in confidence and was having problems appreciating her individuality.
It is always good to look at the positive aspects of Dina’s role. It might be a little far fetched but it is possible that she wants to find ways to be connected with others and is interested in new trends and current events.
If that is the case then Dina needs help in building confidence and increasing self esteem, making independent choices and appreciating her individuality and her opinion.
Faber and Mazlish provide parents with some skills that can help improve a child’s behavior. Here is how we can use those skills in this situation:
1. Show children a new picture of themselves:
For example:
Whenever she makes a decision, point it out:
“You decided that yourself. You made a good choice for yourself.”
Whenever she shows creativity, point it out:
“You liked those bracelets you saw in the store and then you made one yourself, it has a little twist to it. You expressed your individuality through your work.”
2.Put child in new situations where they can see themselves differently:
“Sara looks great in that outfit you put together for her. The colors complement her and the style suits her body type. Can you help Tammy get dressed?”
3. Be A Storehouse For Special Moments:
“Remember when you came up with your own design for that cake that you decorated. The cake was tasty and the design was one of a kind!”
Freeing children from their negative roles and improving their difficult behaviors can be rough. With some understanding, innovation and creativity parents can help them work through and improve even their worst behaviors.
Let us know what you think. Leave your comments below!
Stay tuned for our newest class: “How To Change Your Child’s Worst Behaviors!”