I have always advocated problem solving with kids. It has always served me and my family well. Here is how I used it to handle, a most annoying but probably pretty standard domestic situation:
In the summer with all the kids home, I was getting really irritated. I usually buy 2 bags of the same snacks to avoid going to the supermarket more than once a week. It had been bothering me that the kids would open up one bag of snacks, not close it, and then open up the next bag without finishing the first. I knew that I did not want to:
Accuse:
“Who has been opening up the new bags before finishing the first!”
Tell them what to do:
“Will you guys keep the bags of snacks closed!”
Punish:
“I am not buying anymore snacks anymore!”
So I brought it up at dinner. This is usually where most of our short and long brainstorming sessions happen.
1.I named the problem without accusing:
“Guys, we have a problem. Someone is opening up the second bag of snacks before the first one is finished. We are wasting food.”
2. I let the kids tell me their side of the story. This is what they said:
“The bags don’t close well, they always unravel and open.”
“The snacks get stale and we don’t want to eat it. So we open up the fresh bag.”
3. I asked them for their opinion:
“Guys, I don’t like having so many bags of snacks. Is there something we can do to keep the bags closed and keep the snacks fresh?”
4. The kids came up with an instant solution:
“Buy chip clips!”
I bought the chip clips, they have them at our local supermarket.They really help keep the bags closed and they are simple and easy to use. I left the chip clips in the cabinet with the snacks so they are readily available. The kids have been making a real effort to use them to keep the bags closed.
Problem solving is so much better than accusing, punishing and telling kids what do. It helps kid learn how to handle conflict and come up with solutions to simple and complex problems. It is definitely the way to go.